I spent my first hour as a mother with a lovely, tiny stranger named Isabelle latched on at my breast. I had no idea that breastfeeding isn't as instinctual and effortless as advertised. I was almost discouraged when I was met with cracked, sore, bleeding nipples and painfully engorged breasts in the first week. I had a major meltdown but with the encouragement and support of Mom, Dad, Ah-Ma and especially, the best husband in the world, I am glad I pulled through that dark period of time.
As I write these words a little more than a month later, my little Belle is napping peacefully after falling asleep at my breast. With lots of patience, determination and the help of a genius lactation consultant,
Wendy Haldeman, nursing has become pain-free and soothing for both Isabelle and I. As soon as she latches on, I can feel her little body relax and any agitation fade away, and looking into her sweet, grateful eyes has the same effect on me. For those 20 or so minutes, I have total permission to do nothing but stare at my tiny, beautiful daughter.
Nursing eases some of my bigger anxieties too. I know I can't protect Isabelle from every illness, but it's reassuring to know that I'm providing her with the strongest immune system I can. I'm happy to know that I am helping my own health as well. Every time I nurse, I know I'm chipping away at the risk of getting breast cancer.
Isabelle is growing up so fast. She is now slowly taking the bottle so she can be taken care of by others. And I am happy that breastfeeding still remains the one thing only I can do or her. She is also growing on my milk, and my milk alone when we're apart, and I am still responsible for the most basic of her needs. I feel like superwoman when I think of this. Sometimes, when I find out that she was given a bottle without my knowledge, I confess I pout a little.
At night, I dim the lights in the bedroom and nurse my daughter one more time before she falls deliriously drunk on her joy juice, just as I did on that first day I met her, I fall asleep with sweet dreams of how Isabelle and I have grown together, and how much we will grow in the future. Breastfeeding is my favorite reminder that we're doing it together.
Isabelle & naptime Lulu
